Introduction

Overview of Social Skills
Chapter 1: What Are Social Skills?
Chapter 2: Why Teach Social Skills?
Chapter 3: A Developmental Approach to Friendship

Social Skill Clusters
Chapter 4: Confidence: I Can Do It
Chapter 5: Control: I Am Responsible for My Actions
Chapter 6: Coping: I Can Manage the Hard Times
Chapter 7: Curiosity: How Does that Work?
Chapter 8: Communication: I Can Listen and Speak Effectively
Chapter 9: Community Building: I Can Make Friends
Chapter 10: Conflict Resolution: I Can Negotiate Through a Problem

Teaching Social Skills
Chapter 11: Determine the Needs
Chapter 12: Direct Teaching of Social Skills
Chapter 13: Integrated Teaching of Social Skills
Chapter 14: Situational Teaching of Social Skills

Conclusion

Index

“Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.”
Aristotle, 384-322 BC


Little Joey, a 1st grader, consistently plays too rough. His games with other children often result in some kind of physical violence. Many of the children don't want to play with Joey anymore. When he gets frustrated, he throws books or pencils or tries to break something. During outside free time, Joey always recruits some of the other boys for a martial arts “kick-em-sock-em-smash-em” role play.

Sarah rarely makes eye contact with anyone. She always does what the staff ask of her, but she doesn't talk much. Sarah's face is always turned toward the floor. Without many friends, she frequently plays by herself and never shows interest in new games. She shies away from any new experiences.

Some of the staff call Jacob "competitive." But it is more than that. When Jacob loses a game, he cries, argues, or lies about the outcome. In the gym, Jacob is intense and fiery, screaming at his teammates who make mistakes. Every game is a contest, and every contest seems to be a life or death struggle for Jacob. No one has ever seen Jacob laugh.

The stories of Joey, Sarah, and Jacob are all too common. Each lacks some kind of social skill. Without those skills, Joey, Sarah and Jacob will not likely succeed in life. Children need a wide variety of social skills to live peacefully, assertively, and calmly.


There was a time, not too long ago, when our social structures included extended family and strong communities where there existed naturally occurring opportunities for social skill development. However, those natural “social skill builders” are no longer in place. As society has evolved, few children have the experiences of heavy adult interaction and mentoring by older children that were a normal part of ages past. Because those opportunities no longer exist, adults must now intentionally teach social skills. The good news is that it is fairly easy to teach kids social skills–but it doesn’t “just kind of happen”! Today, for children to learn social skills, adults need to think about it, plan for it, be intentional about it, and work on it.

School-age programs are one of the few places with all the factors necessary for teaching social skills. Typically these out-of-school-time programs include children of all ages, have a spirit of community, and have naturally occurring social situations from which children can learn. School-age out-of-school-time programs might be the most effective places in the child’s life to teach those peaceful living skills.

In fact, we view the role of school-age care providers as “teachers of social skills.” They are not the only social skill teachers, of course, but they are important ones. The role of the school-age care provider is not to just supervise children or simply keep kids safe. The role of the school-age care provider is to teach social skills.

The first section of this book discusses the need to teach social skills to children. It discusses the “whys” of teaching social skills, and some of the societal issues that make teaching social skills a critical part of children’s development.

The second section of the book examines the social skills themselves, breaking them down into seven skill clusters. The categorizing of social skills is a helpful way to think through kids’ needs.

The third section of the book explains the three ways to teach social skills. For maximum effectiveness, all three methods should be a part of any social skill training program.

A school-age care provider is a facilitator of positive development. We are part of the village that raises the child. It is important for us to know something about imparting and communicating those peaceful living skills. The viability of our global village depends on those values and skills.